The news that Southern celebrity chef Paula Deen has Type 2 diabetes is perhaps not the most earth-shatteringly surprising story to break this week. At least not for anyone who has cast an eye over some of her butter-soaked, deep fried Good Ol' Boy recipes that celebrate the cuisine of the South. Or for anyone aware that Deen is now keeping company with some 26 million other Americans who share the condition.
But for those willing to put out of their mind the dire consequences of actually cooking and eating any of these recipes on a regular basis, here is a list of 10 of the most artery-choking, heart-attack-inducing and no doubt spectacularly tasty dishes, all courtesy of Deen's own website, PaulaDeen.com. That site is now headlining a link to a new website called Diabetesinanewlight.com on which Deen will put up more healthy recipes. But, for now, let's forget about calories and waistlines and premature death and enjoy some of Deen's previous creations.
SAVANNAH SLOPPY JOES
Let's start with a relatively light meal. This version of the hamburger is essentially ground beef slathered in two different brands of Deen's own sauces, then fried, then put in a hamburger bun and then topped with slices of cheese (American, of course). Healthy!
SAUSAGE PANCAKE EGG SANDWICH
Now we are upping the game a bit. How does one improve on a good old-fashioned egg and sausage sandwich? Why one substitutes the slices of bread for pancakes, of course. Then you "smother" it in maple syrup.
LADY'S BRUNCH BURGER
But let's not stop there. Let's really shake up the sandwich Paula Deen-style. This time around let's replace the bread with two glazed donuts. Homer Simpson would approve. In between those frosted treats let's put a fried egg, some slices of bacon and a hamburger patty. Yummm.
BROWN SUGAR BACON
Bacon is well known as the tastiest thing on earth and also the most unhealthy. But Paula Deen desires to achieve the impossible and make it tastier and even more unhealthy. How can this be achieved? "Dredge the bacon slices in the brown sugar," suggests this recipe. Job done.
PIGGY PUDDING
The name alone ensures this dish appears on this list. It is essentially a Southern twist on the British staple Toad in the Hole. But out with the Yorkshire pudding batter and in with the Southern staple corn bread. That's not looking too bad until you see the part of the recipe that also says you have to pour an entire cup of maple syrup over it. Why, Paula, why?
BACON CHEESEBURGER MEATLOAF
Just saying this recipe's name out loud can give you a weight gain of 5lbs. Meatloaf itself is hardly the most heart-friendly of meals, being – as the name suggests – a baked loaf of meat. But this meatloaf is also a giant breadless cheeseburger with bacon in it. And, just to add insult to injury, a quarter cup of mayonnaise. Still, there are some onions too, so it is not like vegetables aren't included. Though, of course, the onions are fried.
FISHER NUTTER BACON CHEESE BALL
This dish consists of cream cheese, blue cheese, cheddar cheese and bacon and so neatly includes all the four major Southern food groups. It's main concession to health is to add some nuts and pimento peppers. That should really help.
FRENCH TOAST STUFFED WITH PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANAS
Let's stagger on to the dessert course and see what treats Paula has in store for us. Of course desert is not meant to be healthy and, on that count, this recipe does not let us down. Take some French Toast (bread dipped in an egg mixture and fried) and then use it to make sandwiches of peanut butter, honey and bananas.
SKILLET FRIED APPLE PIE
What could be more wholesome and American than good old apple pie? Done well it could even be healthy-ish, with a filling of lovely fruit, a light crust and simply baked. But that is not the Paula Deen way. First, out with the thin crust and instead use Southern buttermilk biscuits. Then stuff them with sugary apple filling. Then fry them in a skillet. Topping with whipped cream and sugar is "optional", Paula informs us. Our fat-sodden arteries thank her for her mercy.
ULTIMATE FANTASY DEEP FRIED CHEESECAKE
There is no better way to end than with this recipe. Quite whose "ultimate fantasy" this dish is is not revealed. But simply looking at the picture is enough to have even the most hardcore fan of fried food whimpering pathetically for a garden salad (dressing on the side). You whip up a cheesecake of cream cheese, sugar, butter and eggs and, for some baffling reason known only to the Fat Gods, you dump a load of white chocolate in it. But you do not stop there. You get some pastry, coat it in egg, wrap it around a slice of the cheesecake, shove in some more chocolate. Then you fry that sucker. Then you dip the resulting monstrosity in powered sugar. Then you drizzle more chocolate on it. Then you add whipped cream. Then you eat it and book yourself a recovery room at your local hospital.
